i was born a porn star she said
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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