While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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