so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
