Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
