so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
