just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
