May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
