I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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