why do cheetos always look like penises
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
