You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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