Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
