so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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