The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
zippers are such a cool invention
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
