Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
