dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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