you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
