maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
