You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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