YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
