she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
