Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
