Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
