i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
