I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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