Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
