Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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