so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
