We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
