I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
