One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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