Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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