this boner is exhausting
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
