call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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