Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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