planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
