i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
