i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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