Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
