Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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