Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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