Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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