These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
