Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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