hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
