dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
