I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
