My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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