I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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