I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
