**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
