He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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