does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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