I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Someone came in the potted fern
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
