we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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