Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
