we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
