i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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