You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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