My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
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