You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
