i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
