I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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