fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
God I need to hump something, right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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