Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
