normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize