Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
