nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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