I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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