Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
