One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
