Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
