you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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