um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
