So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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