Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
