when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
