jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
