my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
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You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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