With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
