non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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